Have I showered? No, I only shaved on the train. Fine. I’m walking the river on my father’s property. What? I’m losing you.
Fuck that’s my brother. He walked the whole way from Paris. I see you’re in a good mood. Relax. We’re here. This is Christian. He owns two restaurants in Paris. I run a nightclub by the port. We grew up here, so we know how to treat the help. Here’s five hundred kronen. Your father said you are not welcome. Listen to me Mads. My name is Lars. When I drink too much gin I lose control. Where is my father? He went out to hunt.
Honk the horn again. My father turns sixty today. If you drive faster I’ll give you my phone number. You haven’t changed at all. Thank you. Go see your father. Don’t forget to congratulate him. Take a seat. Have you been hunting? I have to tell you something important. Do you want some cognac? I have a business in Lyon. Business is good. I read the papers. She already has children with another man. Then find a new girl. Where are you sleeping? Room seventeen, they gave me the room where my sister died. The sound of the ocean. Come here. Bend me over. I have a nice ass.
My name is Helmut von Sachs. I am from Germany. Cologne. Steel industry. Helge is also a steel man. We’d steal apples together. It seems only yesterday when we closed negotiations and purchased the farm. We’re asking you if you want to become a mason. Double the money while things are still hot. But behave like a normal person tonight. We are here to celebrate the Klingenfedst-Hansen family. Allez, send the first course. Lobster soup, delicious. No, it’s salmon soup. Salmon? Well it tastes like lobster soup. It’s a delicious soup. Yes, tomato soup. It’s not tomato soup. It’s lobster soup. Exactly. Salud.
After this short piano intermezzo the first-born is going to speak. It’s a confessional speech, titled: When my father takes a bath. My father took baths quite often. He’d close the curtains and then take off his clothes and we would too. Baths in summer, winter, mornings, evenings. Top up the glasses.
Have you drank? Without it I cannot cook. A glass for me and for my son. Salud grandpa. You gave a good speech. Michael, you are the youngest. The benjamín. We would have wished you studied law. You were at that boarding school. You never found out. Now we want you to stand up. It’s not shameful to apologise. How could you have led us all to such an absurd situation? Say something. Don’t get drunk now. There’s still dessert. A racist song. And the polonaise. Aren’t some of the family traditions beautiful? I’ll go get your pills. Serve my son some Oporto so we can cheers. Serve my son some Oporto so we can cheers. Serve him Oporto for fuck sake!
Everyone’s out of bed. Everyone’s sleeping in the wrong bed. I think you two should get married. Stop hiding from me. I’m the postman, fuck you, come outside! Down, I said. Don’t get up. I like to start the day with a drink. It’s very simple: you have to separate reality from fiction. How’s my hair? Where’d you send my clothes to be cleaned? Do you want to come live with me in Paris? I abandoned you. I am completely wet. I’d love to.
Chiswick, September 2023